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In 2015, I was living in San Francisco following the then-popular trend of attending a “coding bootcamp”. Some wealthy folks in the tech field realized two important facts: universities were offering outdated computer science curricula and the barrier-to-entry into software development is actually not that high. These bootcamps came with more than an education — they came with a promise to help the new grad find a job after the camp was over. The best part: graduation is only ever three months away. So young, intelligent, but wayward youngsters like myself flocked to San Francisco, shelled out $30,000 of our parents’ money and set to learning. 

 

It didn’t work out for me and I have major reservations about the wisdom of giving control of a largely invisible framework of internet-critical code to a bunch of poorly educated kids, but I can’t blame the bootcamp for my lack of success. I was one of the very few graduates who did not find gainful employment within a month or two. Plus, I was knee-deep in what would be a decade-long crisis of identity; no bootcamp was going to save me from myself.

 

Before the bootcamp, though I was possibly an alcoholic and definitely a leech, I was at least involved in the world. I followed politics, the market, tech, and had a good sense of the general sentiment of the country. (At least, it felt like I did.) I remember watching from the camp’s 8th story window at the mass protests happening below following the election of Donald Trump and the strange mix of anger and excitement that bubbled around me. Something just happened, something big — a historic change in the way our country operates and views itself and its priorities. And, for reasons completely unrelated, that’s about the time I clocked out.

 

Eight years went by and I didn’t engage with politics, esoteric social issues, or social media. Sure, I scanned CNN every morning and I scrolled on Reddit. I inevitably saw all the “big issues”, always through the lens of a journalist or blogger. I consider myself to be a liberal with progressive ideals, but I should and will admit that most of the media I’ve incidentally consumed over the past decade has been from left-leaning sources. It’s important that we acknowledge that our perspectives can be biased and identify those places where the bias can creep in. 

 

I had a good friend recently engage me in a string of political discussions. I’ve traditionally been disinterested in these, mostly because most people tend to engage at a shallow intellectual level — a neanderthal-like “this good, that bad” form of discourse. But my friend is not this way; he cuts to the heart of issues, to the very center where raw data and philosophy meet. 

 

I loved and hated these conversations. I loved them because I am intellectually hungry. Shit, I am absolutely ravenous. While I’ve never gone a day without thinking, I’ve spent the last eight years thinking about mathematics and computers, these very concrete, proof-based things. I haven’t had the freedom of thought that philosophy brings in far, far too long. I need it. On the other hand, I hated them because they made me feel stupid. I don’t often feel stupid, which I think speaks more to my avoidance of unfamiliar topics than it does my underlying intellectual horsepower. But man, I felt dumb. Is it true that Americans are have less civic engagement than they did in the past? Was the impeachment of Donald Trump a sham? Is Ukraine being unreasonable in their position with Russia? Should we lay claim to the moon? I’m pretty sure the answers are no, no, no, and no — but I can’t prove that. I can barely defend those answers on a purely philosophical level and I have absolutely zero concrete evidence to support those claims. 

 

When I stopped engaging with those things not in my immediate view, I stopped educating myself. As a result, I have become uneducated. I do not have well-formed opinions on most political and social issues and I am certainly not civically engaged. And I’m fucking sick of it.

 

There was a popular idea when I was in high school — mostly from Bernie supporters — claiming that they now had their eyes open and were “awake”. Since then, the idea of being “woke” has been perverted into a catch-all smear of anything left (functioning much like the word “fascist” or “communist”.) But this idea of being educated and aware of politics and the happenings of the world is not dead: whether it’s a woke leftist or a red-pilled right winger, many are choosing to try and educate themselves. I think I will too, because I’m tired of sleeping while the world around me churns more and more maddeningly every day. 

 

Goodbye, Sandman — I’ve got to wake up now.